Review of Baywatch

baywatch

If you yearn for summer weather, during these chilly months, fear not because a trip to the beach is just one DVD away courtesy of Baywatch. Whilst conducting research for this review (mostly Google image searches of Pamela Anderson) I was surprised to learn that the original Baywatch TV series ran for a very respectable eleven seasons. How does a show about lifeguards last for so long, whilst Hasselhoff’s awesome Knight Rider gets a paltry four seasons to its name? What a travesty of justice! Speaking of the Hoff and Pammy, both actors make brief cameo appearances in this movie. It’s a little sad seeing how the heartthrobs of my youth have now gotten so wrinkly.

OVERVIEW

Lieutenant Mitch Buchannon is the head lifeguard of the world’s most dangerous beach. Seriously. Although nothing of note ever happens at my local seaside, over at Baywatch Florida, Buchannon has amassed a record of five hundred coastal rescues! When the movie begins Mitch recruits three new trainees to his team. The trio of newbies include a former Olympic gold medallist named Matt Brody. You would imagine that enlisting the services of a speedy swimmer would be quite the coup, but unfortunately not as Brody isn’t a team player. This is evidenced by the time he cost his nation relay glory, due to excessive partying. He turned up to the event with a hangover and proceeded to pollute the pool with puke – earning him the nickname Vomit Comet.

In this adventure the Baywatch crew take on a foreign entrepreneur named Victoria Leeds, who is played by a former Miss World. After losing ownership of the family business to her brother, Leeds migrated to America where she proceeded to amass a fortune through drug trafficking. If you think that lifeguards battling a criminal syndicate is ridiculous worry not, because various onscreen characters express similar sentiments. Baywatch constantly pokes fun at itself. This is an action comedy that veers more towards humour than action. If anything the action is rather lacklustre. A film starring The Rock should feature good fight choreography – the few fisticuffs we get however are marred by shaky cam. The shaking will make you more seasick than riding on a Baywatch jet ski.

VERDICT

My rating for Baywatch is a three out of five. The movie isn’t great, as the scathing reviews penned by professional critics will attest to, but I would still class it as a fun romp – providing that you can turn off your brain throughout its two-hour duration. A guilty pleasure offering a blend of comedy and eye candy is how I would put it. The ratio of funny/lame jokes could be better, but I must admit to chuckling quite a few times. Highlights of note include the banter that Mitch and Matt share, along with the scenes mocking how the original series would use slow motion effects whenever CJ took a jog. I could however have done without the morgue sequence involving a dead man’s genitals. That gag was bollocks in more ways than one.

When it comes to fan service both genders are well catered to. Alexandra Daddario and Kelly Rohrbach bouncing about in swimsuits will go down well with the guys. Female viewers on the other hand can gawk at Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron’s chiselled torsos. If you are the rare breed of girl who prefers blubber to muscle Jon Bass has you covered, in the role of computer whizz Ronnie Greenbaum. Do women who lust after unattractive overweight blokes really exist though? If they do, and one of them happens to be reading this article, please leave your phone number in the comments section below. We should meet up for dinner and a movie some time 😉

20 thoughts on “Review of Baywatch

    • Not the greatest movie, but better than some other TV show remakes that Hollywood has attempted in recent years. Depending on your sense of humor Baywatch will either be garbage or something you can laugh along to whilst sipping a few beers.

      • Or in my case, multiple cups of tea. It wasn’t really a massively thought provoking show anyway if memory serves, so I wasn’t expecting much more than comedy from it anyway.

  1. Oh Glob, you’re hilarious 😀 I couldn’t stop laughing at your last paragraph 🙂 I feel rather mean now.
    As for your question, I believe there is women like that. But I think they word it differently and describe it as cuddly or like a big teddy bear 🙂

  2. Haha, oh man I should copy/paste that final paragraph you wrote and place it on my blog 😂😂 That was hilarious 😀😀 Actually…confession time here: I have seen 10 seasons of Baywatch. Yup…how on Earth did I live through that lol. Actually the show was fun at times. And not it wasn’t only for the slo-mo scenes, but seriously there were episodes that were rather fun to watch. Season 11 was without Da Hoff, and was quite horrible from what I have heard.
    I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I might go and watch it at some point I guess. I did really enjoy your review though. Seriously funny 😀😀

    • I’m impressed that a show about lifeguards had enough material to produce eleven seasons worth of story lines. These days I can’t imagine that such a series would survive for so long. Just look at how quickly the likes of Fox are when it comes to cancelling stuff. After a few episodes they will axe a program, which is unfair as most shows take a while to get going.

      • Yeah, I could not agree more. There are so many shows out there that just don’t stand a chance abd get cancelled way too soon before they even have a chance to shine.
        Honestly…Baywatch had enough in it to keep going for quite a while. You would be surprised as to how many storylines they came up with over those seasons. And then of course there was Da Hoff 😂😂

  3. Is it weird that i’ve never watched any baywatch movie or any of it’s seasons?.This is one of my favorite reviews from you. ” Do women who lust after unattractive overweight blokes really exist though? If they do, and one of them happens to be reading this article, please leave your phone number in the comments section below. We should meet up for dinner and a movie some time 😉” – Oh my god, this made me burst into tears. Don’t say that about yourself, you make awesome reviews and do a cool job 🙂 . Have a nice day!!. I’m not a woman yet, i’m just a teenager, so i can’t leave my number(but if i was old enough i would have done so).

    • To be honest I never watched the television series. I was content with just admiring photos of the cast 🙂 Glad to hear that you enjoyed the review. I wasn’t very happy with the last paragraph and was thinking of rewriting it actually. Thankfully I left that joke in because a bunch of readers seemed to have found it funny.

  4. 3 stars? I think that is the highest score on the entire internet! Well done! 😛

    I vaguely remember the very early days of the show pre-Pamela Anderson and it was a bit like Midsomer Murders – How can one beach spawn so much villainy and danger on a weekly basis?

    There was also a dodgy WCW themed episode where the wrestlers played themselves in the storyline, with Hogan being the hero (natch!) then they used footage from the 1995 Bash At The Beach PPV (which was held on an actual beach!) for the matches. But because of the time difference between productions, they had to intercut shots of Pammy reacting to the action from the entrance way which was miles away and not at ringside. It was SO bad! 😀

    Suffice to say, this isn’t high on my watch list (or anywhere on it to be frank…) 😉

    • I had no idea there was a Baywatch/WCW crossover. Sounds like the promotion loved to rub shoulders with television/movie stars back during its prime. Who can forget Arquette’s title win and the infamous Robocop rescue.

      • I only found about it by accident a few years back when one of the channels (Bravo I think) was repeating them. The kicker is that this came in the same year that Pammy was at the Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania for WWF! 😛

        The initial WCW/Hollywood crossover was because WCW was owned by Ted Turner and he thought it would be a good way to help advertise his movie channel and new cinema projects across all of his media platforms, which is why you had Robocop (to promote the second film) and Oz (Kevin Nash) to promote TCM’s screening of Wizard Of Oz.

        Then you had the rip-offs like Arachnaman (which saw them sued by Marvel) or use of names without permission like Fantasia (and a law suit from Disney), ironically both characters portrayed by the late Brad Armstrong.

        Arquette’s title reign was partly to promote the Ready To Rumble film and partly because Tony Schiavone made a joke about putting the belt on Arquette, which Vince Russo took seriously and decided to run with. Oy vey! 😮

  5. The Rock and Zac Efron together sounds like a thoroughly missable movie. I heard a little rumour that Dwayne delivered a Rock Bottom in this film which was going to make me watch it, then I realised I was being mocked.

    • Not everything with The Rock is terrible. The Fast and the Furious movies seem popular at least. He seems to be mimicking Arnie’s career, as the muscular action hero. Like Schwarzenegger he probably should keep away from comedy though.

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