Game of Thrones was correct. Winter is coming. Yesterday’s commute to work necessitated the use of a brolly, as precipitation poured down upon my noggin. Sigh, how I miss the warmer climes of July and August. Thankfully, regardless of the current weather, I can still enjoy the spectacle of bikini-clad babes thanks to the release of Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash. Marvelous and Tamsoft have once again treated us to a game starring their well-endowed female ninjas. This time however the teenage shinobi have traded their shurikens and swords for super soakers, as they compete in the titular water gun tournament.
It’s funny to see that the Peach Beach Splash competition is being streamed on a fictional site named New Tube. Somehow I doubt that the real life YouTube would support videos featuring half naked girls who cuss a lot. YouTube are currently waging a virtuous crusade against controversial content, which has seen many talented creators get whacked with the demonetization bat. Apparently this all started because a certain annoying Swede decided to go full Nazi, resulting in an advertiser boycott. Oh well, who cares. Let’s return to the more pressing matter of swimsuits and bouncy gals.
Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash’s single player content includes a five-part story mode, some bonus missions and various tournaments. There’s multiplayer fun to be had too, courtesy of ranked competitive matches and a co-op survival mode. Unfortunately I have yet to dabble with the online features because I can never seem to find any other players to group with. Perhaps splitting the niche community across regional servers is to blame… or maybe everyone sticks to single player, as revealing to the world that you like this game is embarrassing. A fondness for midget porn is easier to justify than a passion for Senran Kagura.
To be honest it’s a shame that the salacious content will put off some people, because the game is a fun third person shooter brimming with tongue in cheek humour. Many of the levels pit you against hordes of weak enemies, robots and fellow ninjas. Sometimes, to spice things up, you’ll also be expected to use your liquid spewing arsenal to extinguish flames within a lenient time limit. Missing from this edition of Senran Kagura is the series’ trademark destructible clothing. There aren’t any garments to damage as the cast is barely wearing anything to begin with! On the plus side it’s possible to make downed opponents part with their raunchy two-piece, by squirting them with a rubber ducky. Quack.
My rating for Senran Kagura: Peach Beach Splash is a four out of five. Fans of the franchise will be pleased to learn that the series’ temporary transition from brawler to shooter has turned out well. My only complaint with the game is that the main campaign can be cleared in a few quick hours, as the levels are shorter than the star of a midget porno (wow two hobbit adult-movie references in one review.) On the plus side Peach Beach Splash gives you plenty of reasons to continue playing once the story is finished. There are tons of unlockables to earn in the form of artwork, music and cosmetic items. Replaying levels also awards card packs, which contain new abilities/guns for your characters, pets that can be summoned in battle and stat upgrades.
Peach Beach Splash’s mix of action, comedy and eye candy will serve me well for the upcoming nippy period. Why bother venture outdoors and get drenched when you can stay inside and watch the virtual beauties get soaked instead?